The Dating Story

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Gay Guy: "You're actually shorter than I thought. I thought you were tall, until you stepped down from that bar."

I nudge Sk8...

Me: "Dude, that was a fucking neg (an insult that I won't bother to explain)! He's hitting on him!"

Sk8 and I are laughing our asses off. The gay guy looks at me...

Gay Guy: "What are you laughing at!?"

I look at him, with a smirk on my face...

Gay Guy: "I don't know what you're laughing for. My hands are bigger than yours, my feet are bigger than yours..."

He looks me up and down. I look at his feet...

Gay Guy: "AND they're European."

Sk8 and The Peacemaker erupt in laughter. Motherfucker! No one gets away with that. I am the King of insults. I get ready to fire one back. I look at The Peacemaker. Gotta stick to the gameplan. I don't insult him.

I start talking to Sk8, while The Peacemaker sticks to our plan. He finally introduces us to his female friend. Worked like a charm. We're talking to her. Just then, some drunk ass guy comes in and cuts us off. She looks at him and walks off. I'm ready to kill him.

Let's try this again. I go back to talking to Sk8, while The Peacemaker talks to the Gay Guy. I look over...

Boyfriend: "What are you talking to HIM for!?"

And he tries to pull the Gay Guy away. He yanks back. I nudge Sk8...

Me: "Look! The Peacemaker is making the other gay guy jealous. HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

He goes back to talking to The Peacemaker...

The Peacemaker: "I'm telling you man, just so you know, I'm not gay. You're just a cool guy. That's it."

I look down, he's trying to touch The Peacemaker's hand. I'm in tears now. I don't know what's funnier, the Gay Guy hitting on him, or how uncomfortable The Peacemaker looks. Either way, I'm loving it.

The Boyfriend comes back over. The Gay Guy first looks at The Peacemaker...