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Often when we first meet, we spend time talking about our lives and past relationships. This is your opportunity to express what's important to you... stories tell us loads. And this is your opportunity to discover more about them.

Listen carefully because people are giving you clues all the time. They will tell you what they value and want indirectly. Make sure you reciprocate - and if what they reveal doesn't fit with you..and you still feel drawn, be careful... Check it out further. You could be heading for a minefield - and no-one walks into a minefield thinking 'I won't get hit this time or I can change the mines...this time it'll be different' It probably won't!!

Know who you are - Who are You?

You can't really work out if you want to see more of someone or if they are right for you unless you have a clear idea of what you value in yourself. Do you know who you are? What are the things that are dominant and important in your life, and what values do you hold so true that someone you are with has to have similar ones or else - no go!

Do you want kids? Or maybe you definitely don't want them. Are you sure? Many people continue through relationships and even get married, assuming that the other wants just what they want.

"I thought we wouldn't have kids until we'd had some time building our careers, say in 6 or 7 years time and I only discovered when Illona got pregnant that she'd wanted them immediately and that she assumed I would too. We'd never discussed it properly, but then you don't do you.." [This was sent to me by someone asking for help]