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Consenting to non-consent is seemingly a confusing thing. I find it difficult to explain really how it is different from straight out consent. If I say no to him when he takes out the paddle, he will continue. I find the fact that he will makes me feel secure, loved and cherished. I can only guess how I might feel if it was not real consent. If a stranger grabbed me and tried to spank me I think I would feel terrified, violated and attacked.

Knowing that behaviour changes are not really what our relationship is about does not make it somehow artificial. I am not just a confused spankee who has been somehow tricked by her very good actor husband. If we are fighting for instance, spanking me will not guarantee that we will never fight again; it will however stop the fight and allow us to reconnect and feel close again. I suppose in the short term it does change the behaviour that is causing our relationship distress. In the long run however I can expect that a similar fight will very likely occur somewhere in our future.

I do not think that the Taken In Hand community is somehow more superior to the Spanko community. I belong to both and I enjoy both. In my relationship, a Taken In Hand one, a relationship where my husband has real authority, just works better for us. Do we engage in erotic spanking? Yes sure we do. But there are times when it goes further than just a fun spanking and this is what we want.

I think that most Taken In Hand HOHs are responsible enough to learn about using implements safely. I know my husband tries out and practices any new implement before he uses it on me. That is only reasonable. He cares very deeply about me; he would be horrified if he were to hurt me because he misused an implement. Like all tools they need to be used safely. I do not think that people in Taken In Hand relationships are somehow less responsible than spankos and people into BDSM. In fact Taken In Hand relationships are never casual spanking situations. By nature the couple must be committed. I would think this would motivate the people involved to be very careful. They love each other very much. They have a lot of reasons to be safe.
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